Bending the rules of math

I don’t know what hat happened in one generation where we gave away all the power as men, men used to have the power, now women control everything, how you’ve become these entitled monsters? And yeah, I’m getting divorced and that might be motivating some of this. You get divorced, you get divorced, women used to get screwed so badly in the system, now it’s ridiculous how far the pendulum swung the other way. 


Well you have to keep her in the live that she’s accustomed to, keep her in the live that she’s accustomed to? What about my life? Nobody cares about the man anymore. Keep her in the life she’s accustomed to, if I ever get married again we are moving into a crack house I swear to god, a sewage filled crack house, so if I get divorced, well, enjoy the life you are accustomed to, I have a home to buy, like an adult. People say women only make 70 percent of what men make in the workplace, yeah but you keep that whole 70 percent and then you take 50 percent of our 100 percent, that’s like 120 percent. How do you get more than everything? Thats not even mathematically possible, you’re bending the rules of … math.

And some jobs I guess there is still gender discrimination that’s what I’m told, a friend of mine’s a pilot, she said it’s very hard for women pilots because there’s discrimination against women pilots and that might be true you know. I was on a plane one time the pilot that came on it was a woman, it was a woman’s voice, she’s like ‘This is your captain, captain Johnson’ and everybody on the plane men and women were like ‘Seriously put the real pilot on. This is a big fancy machine you’re driving buttercup, this ain’t some kind of Barbie’s dream car you’re dicking around with up there.’ Every time I hear a woman pilot I always assume the real pilot is her boyfriend and he’s sitting right next to her, but he’s got a DUI so he’s got let her drive for six months.

Like this Tiger Woods’ wife, had you seen what that woman did to that poor guy? He’s an addict and she’s mad at him when he is suffering from this dreaded illness, he’s sick, with his addiction, with his disease and she has the nerve…

You know they say that sex addiction is as bad as alcoholism or drug addiction, that’s what they say and I don’t know because I’ve been addicted to a lot of things and I just can’t imagine that you suffer as much with sex addiction as you do, as you do at the end stages of other addictions you know, I can’t imagine that there’s ever been a sex addict that is so sex addicted that you know, the he end up curled up in a fetal position on the floor of your living room sweating and crying because he hasn’t slept in six days. Food addiction also they say is really bad, food addiction is as bad as alcoholism or drug addiction, you think so? If that’s true how come when a white kicks you out of the house for being a drunk or a drug addict, everybody supports her right? But if you kick her out for fattening up a little bit, that’s never quite as acceptable, maybe I’m just trying to help her hit rock bottom. Did you ever consider that? Is that powder sugar on your shirt, have you been eating? You are stuffed in front of the kids!

They say Tiger, you just need to communicate more with a spouse, that’s how you avoid infidelities, by communicating more, you think so? The problem is, there is too much communication now, everybody gets caught the, texting and emailing and phone messages, impossible to get away with anything. If I ever get married again and I want to cheat, I’m only gonna have sex with Amish girls. No electrical anything, just go down to Pennsylvania with a bag of rock candy and leave a little trail out behind the barn you know and then, when she’s tying her bonnet back on, it’d be like ‘See you in a fortnight Ruth!’ and head back home. No paper trail, no emails. No ‘Where the hell are you?’ text, no nothing.

More communication, you really think so? You think people really want to know what’s going on in people’s minds, that’s how you avoid infidelity, you think you should have talked about it? What you gonna say? ‘Hey Elin, I really want to communicate with you. I really, really want to have sex with other women, I really want to, I mean it’s really hard not to, because as a guy you are programmed to get laid for your whole life and I really got into so many women out there, I want to do that, I wanna have sex with so many of them and I know I’m not supposed to, but I can’t shut up that part of my brain, because I was a nerdy little golfer my whole life and now I’m Tiger Woods and there’s so many women out there, I want to have sex with them, I know it’s wrong because I love you and I love my kids, I love my family but somehow I can’t shut that part of my brain off and I want to do it so bad and it wouldn’t mean anything, it wouldn’t mean anything at all to me and I know you don’t understand that because men and women are just different that way, there’s things that I don’t understand about you, I don’t understand how much you love shoes, I don’t understand that. But if hundreds of free pairs of shoes showed up at your hotel room every night. I guarantee you keep a pair every once in awhile…

This transcription was made by ear, it may be incomplete, wrong, whatever. The important thing is that you can get one step closer to this genius. You’re welcome.